FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Everyone says I win the strip club
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
