I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
