i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
