wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
