Fine. I'll sleep in my office
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
