How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
