They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
