My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
