My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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