I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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