my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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