i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
