Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
