Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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