I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
