idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
