A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
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