Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
