My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
