hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
