I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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