Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
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