There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
