just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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