you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
