Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Randomize
