So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
