just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
