i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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