Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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