So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
