Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
