I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
it glows. i had to have it.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
