he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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