I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
