I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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