I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
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