So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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