party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Randomize
