Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
