You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
