I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
