The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
