I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
