I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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