The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
