Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
