what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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