I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
