this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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