he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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