About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
How naked do you want me to be?
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